From: Ryan van de Polder <email@example.com>
Subject: Appropriate Person
I am writing in hopes of finding the appropriate person who handles Staffing and Recruitment partnerships. I also wrote to a couple of other people in your firm in that pursuit.
Oh lie-an, caught lying in your second sentence. Nobody else at our firm has been spammed by you. Right off the bat, I can’t trust you now—that and you being a dipshit spammer.
If it makes sense to talk, let me know how your calendar looks.
a) How would it ever make sense to talk to a spammer?
b) It’s none of your fucking business how my calendar looks. OK, well just this once I’ll tell you—my calendar looks gorgeous!
And, horrors! It seems that Allcummy has a Canadian office. Goodness me, that means Mr. van de Pisser is in violation of the Canadian Anti-Spam Legislation (CASL). That went into effect over a year ago so Allquesy has no excuse not to abide by the law, except of course that spammers seldom have more than one brain cell so understanding the law may simply be beyond their mental capacity.
Our clients include Influitive, Intellex and Marketwired.
Wow, real “big name” companies that—uh—I’ve never heard of. Fuck, they’re not even in the same line of business as my company. You’d think that if you’re trying to hire people for my company that you’d at least prove that you’ve hired people for the right fucking industry!
Oops, my bad. Here I am chastising a spammer for being an idiot when that’s redundant.
From their contact page here’s another email address, firstname.lastname@example.org. Yes, “bob.” I know, sounds like a huge, legit company, right? I’d sure trust my hiring to them…yessirree bob (see what I did there?).