Amused Atheist

If you're not an atheist, you're misguided

Posts Tagged ‘theist’

How I feel…

• Chillin' with atheists • Discussing religion with theists • After the discussion

• Chillin’ with atheists
• Discussing religion with theists
• After the discussion


“If man evolved from monkeys…”

Ignorant theists often decide that they’re smarter than the most brilliant scientists of our age and think they can debunk the fact of evolution with one stupid question:

If man evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?

Of course, all they would need to do is Google that question, but theists are inherently lazy. Most have never read their holy books and most don’t spend any time thinking about how much their religion is full of shit.

When I came across this image I knew immediately that it was the most cogent response to those who ask that question:

Finger Monkey


We’re not angry at your god

I came back to Twitter and found an atheist and some moronic Christian having a discussion in my mentions. It caught me in a grumpy mood but I don’t like debating theists very often:

I don’t argue with theists because it’s too difficult to tell the fundies from the trolls from the mentally challenged. #Atheist — @Amused_Atheist 2012-11-05 13:38 EST.

I didn’t want to give this idiot any publicity — that’s what trolls crave — so I replied in my main feed. Correction, I went on a well deserved rant.

Since theists are pretty thick (willfully so), particularly Christians, let me explain one more time (sigh) … — (view)

When #atheists talk about your god like it’s real, we’re parodying your belief in it. Is that too hard for you to grasp? — (view)

We’re saying, “IF your god existed, why does it do none of the things you ascribe to it? Why does it let children be raped & murdered? — (view)

We cannot be angry at your god because it doesn’t exist. We are angry at the idiots who interfere with our lives in the name of their god. — (view)

We are exasperated at the logic of someone who prays for victims of violence while their “all loving and merciful god” let it happen. — (view)

We are deeply saddened that in this modern age that the fucking majority of the planet believes in sky daddies. Theists are pathetic. — (view)


Theists don’t even believe in prayer

It’s a good thing that theists don’t rely on prayer to survive. How do I know this? Well, you don’t see a theist standing at the curb, praying to clear traffic, and then blindly stepping out relying on god to keep them safe.

With notable idiotic exceptions, you don’t see a theist praying to keep them healthy with a burst appendix, or a broken bone, or a major laceration, or a bullet wound. No, they usually go to a hospital and depend on the science and medicine of the doctors and nurses to heal them.

They get jobs rather than praying to their god to put food on the table, clothes on their backs, and a roof over their heads.

If theists didn’t work, or go to the doctor, they would die at an alarming rate and, ironically, evolution would remove their gene pool from humanity. In the future, we’d have almost no theists and those that would pop up would die off quickly.

This is the hypocrisy that is religion. The ‘believers’ don’t really believe in their own dogma. They don’t believe in the power of prayer. Oh sure, if medicine fails them they might resort to prayer. Even while receiving medical treatment they might pray and when they’re healed, thank god instead of the good people who did the actual work. Ungrateful bastards.

But virtually all theists will choose common sense, hard work, science and medicine first, and prayer second to provide for them, keep them safe and healthy.

They don’t see it that way. You can’t point that out to them without them getting all defensive and yet still not have a plausible explanation for why they don’t believe in prayer.

Theists really are a sad, pitiable lot.


The power of prayer

If religious people truly believe in the power of prayer, why do they …

  • … ever go see a doctor? Won’t their god cure any illness? Hey, wait a minute, why did their god give them the illness to start with? What a prick!
  • … bother to work? If they pray to win a lottery, won’t their god answer? Why doesn’t god just put a bazillian bucks in their bank account? God is rich, right?
  • … give money to charities? Why do charities even need to exist? Why isn’t god answering all those people praying to help the starving people or those injured and homeless from a natural disaster? Why did god starve those people and inflict a disaster upon them?
  • … wait for the light to cross a busy street? If they’ve been good little god-lovers, won’t god protect them?
  • … avoid playing Russian-roulette? If they prayed to god, surely he would never let the gun fire.

This could go on forever. Come on theists, you crazy rascals, you know you don’t believe in all that prayer shit.

Praying to god for anything is like sending a letter to Santa Claus.


‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’

Hey theists, you know that English rule you learned in school, ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’? Just so you don’t embarrass yourselves trying to argue with an atheist, please note that the ‘e’ comes before ‘i’ in atheist.

That’s right, bitches, atheists aren’t afraid to question doctrine.

But wait, you say, ‘e’ comes before ‘i’ in theists too. True, but you never refer to yourselves as theists. You refer to yourselves as Christians, Muslims, Jews, Mormons, etc. And then there are flavors of those, Catholics, Protestant, Orthodox, and numerous minor variations. You can’t even agree on what to call your delusions.

We make it simple for you. It’s atheist. ‘e’ then ‘i’. And we call you theists.

The only reason we’re even called atheists is because there are so many of you theists who believe in invisible beings whose existence cannot be proven.

So what do we call adults who don’t believe in Santa Claus? Oh, right. We call them normal.