Amused Atheist

If you're not an atheist, you're misguided

Posts Tagged ‘religion’

Eliminate the assholes

The Dilbert Principle Book CoverThis excerpt from The Dilbert Principle by Scott Adams is one of my favorites. It applies to work and home life situations, and is particularly applicable to religion.

Here are the most useful activities I can think of for a manager:

Eliminate the assholes. Nothing can drain the life-force out of your employees as a few sadistic assholes who seem to exist for the sole purpose of making life hard for others. Unfortunately, assholes often have important job skills that you’d like to keep. My advice is that it’s never worth the tradeoff. In an OA5* company if you’re making your coworkers unhappy, then you’re incompetent by definition. It’s okay to be ‘tough’ and it’s okay to be ‘aggressive’ and it’s okay to disagree — even shout. Some conflict is healthy. But if you do it with disrespect, or you seem to be enjoying it, or you do it in every situation, guess what — you’re an asshole. And you’re gone.

* OA5 — Out At 5 [pm]

Religion is an asshole. It’s sadistic. It may offer some comfort but it’s never worth the tradeoff of sacrificing common sense. It is incompetent, does not respect you, and causes strife in your life and in society. Eliminate this asshole from your life.


Religion-true

Moderately Confused, 2013-06-01

 

With apologies to Jeff Stahler for parody’s sake I recaptioned this comic. Click to see the original version.


This is my god

This is based on the Rifleman’s Creed:

This is my god. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My god is my best friend. He is my life. I must master prayer as I must master my life.

My god, without me, is useless. Without my god, I am useless. I must pray to my god true. I must pray harder than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will.

My god and I know that what counts in this life is not the tolerance we show, the noise of our sermons, or the smoke-screens we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit.

My god is human, even as I, because I invented him. Thus, I will learn about god as a brother. I will learn his weaknesses, his strengths, his manly parts, his accessories, his prejudices, and his hates. I will keep my god clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will.

Before God, I swear this creed. My god and I are the defenders of my religion. We are the masters of other religions. We are the saviors of my life. We hate all others not like us.

So be it, until victory is my religion’s and there is no other religion, but peace!

P.S. Fuck the NRA and the politicians they bought.

 


Klingon religion proverbs

You can find these Klingon programming proverbs by doing a Google search, but I’ll reproduce them here for your convenience. Then I’ll use them as a template for some religion proverbs to follow

Klingon Programming Proverbs

  • Specifications are for the weak and timid!
  • This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need quad Xeon processors if I am to do battle with this code!
  • You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.
  • What is this talk of ‘release’? Klingons do not make software ‘releases’. Our software ‘escapes’ leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
  • Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
  • I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.
  • A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
  • By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
  • Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

Klingon Religion Proverbs

  • Talking snakes are for the weak and timid!
  • The Bible is a piece of GAGH! I need Dawkins and Harris if I am to do battle with this logic!
  • You cannot really appreciate ‘God Is Not Great’ unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.
  • What is this talk of ‘religion’? Klingons do not accept ‘religion’. Our response to door-to-door religion salesman leaves a bloody trail of Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses in its wake.
  • Church? Klingons do not go to church. Our species does not coddle the weak.
  • I have challenged the entire Twitter #TeamJesus cult to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.
  • A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not retweet stupidity except for his amusement!
  • By teaching Creationism in schools you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
  • Our haters will know fear and cower before our Twitter account! Tweet it! Tweet it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

 

This video was pointed out to me thanks to @loghaD:


FAQ

Author unknown:


Religion is like a straw

I tried choosing a religion once. It was a lot like choosing a straw for my drink. There were so many types and colors. I stood there trying to decide which was best; bendy straws, swirly ones, light up straws, really long straws, etc. After a while I just said, “Fuck it!” and walked away with my drink. It still tasted the same without a straw. — Unknown