Amused Atheist

If you're not an atheist, you're misguided

Posts Tagged ‘god’

When a god talks back

Patient: I've invented a hat which allows me to talk to cantaloupes. Dr.: They say there's a thin line between genius and insanity. Patient: How do you know if you've crossed the line? Dr.: The cantaloupes talk back.

Patient: I’ve invented a hat which allows me to talk to cantaloupes.
Dr.: They say there’s a thin line between genius and insanity.
Patient: How do you know if you’ve crossed the line?
Dr.: The cantaloupes talk back.


This is my god

This is based on the Rifleman’s Creed:

This is my god. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My god is my best friend. He is my life. I must master prayer as I must master my life.

My god, without me, is useless. Without my god, I am useless. I must pray to my god true. I must pray harder than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will.

My god and I know that what counts in this life is not the tolerance we show, the noise of our sermons, or the smoke-screens we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit.

My god is human, even as I, because I invented him. Thus, I will learn about god as a brother. I will learn his weaknesses, his strengths, his manly parts, his accessories, his prejudices, and his hates. I will keep my god clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will.

Before God, I swear this creed. My god and I are the defenders of my religion. We are the masters of other religions. We are the saviors of my life. We hate all others not like us.

So be it, until victory is my religion’s and there is no other religion, but peace!

P.S. Fuck the NRA and the politicians they bought.

 


God, Godzilla, what’s the difference?

God, Godzilla

Jesus is real. So is Godzilla.

 

If given sufficient, incontrovertible evidence, I can accept the existence of God or Godzilla. It is equally probable that I will ever see evidence for either.


The god test

God’s rules for testing other gods

Isaiah 41:21-24

21 “Present your case,” says the Lord.
“Set forth your arguments,” says Jacob’s King.
22 “Tell us, you idols,
what is going to happen.
Tell us what the former things were,
so that we may consider them
and know their final outcome.
Or declare to us the things to come,
23     tell us what the future holds,
so we may know that you are gods.
Do something, whether good or bad,
so that we will be dismayed and filled with fear.
24 But you are less than nothing
and your works are utterly worthless;
whoever chooses you is detestable.

 

God’s rules for testing God:

Luke 4:12

12 Jesus answered, “It is said: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.


Inventing a god

The most important thing when inventing a god is to make sure it's invisible, inaudible, and imperceptible in every way. Otherwise, people may become skeptical when it appears to nobody, says nothing, and does nothing.

The most important thing when inventing a god is to make sure it’s invisible, inaudible, and imperceptible in every way. Otherwise, people may become skeptical when it appears to nobody, says nothing, and does nothing.


FAQ

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