Posts Tagged ‘cult’
Scene: World’s most famous movie director talking to world’s most famous movie producer…
I want to make a movie with this sci-fi plot line …
The setting is 6,000 years ago. This magic guy creates an entire universe in seven days. On one obscure planet in one obscure galaxy in a magic garden he creates a man out of dirt, rips one of his ribs out and creates a woman from it. They’re both naked so, yeah, lots of gratuitous nudity. It will be R-rated.
He tells these two to never eat from this magic fruit tree.
But a talking snake comes along and tells rib-woman to eat some fruit so naturally she listens to a talking snake and takes a bite.
The creator is psychotic so he bans untold billions of descendants to perpetual fire and damnation, so lots of opportunity for special effects. He blames every new born child for this, uh, let’s call it “original sin” or something.
Then, the whole population of this world is created from these two people so we’ll have lots of incest in the picture and …
ARE YOU A FUCKING LUNATIC?! DO YOU THINK I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU ANY OF MY FUCKING MONEY FOR THIS FUCKING, STUPID STORY?! THIS IS THE MOST FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE PLOT IDEA I’VE EVER HEARD FROM ANY FUCKING DIRECTOR IN MY WHOLE FUCKING CAREER! NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT FUCKING MIND WOULD BELIEVE THIS FUCKING SHIT!
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, CHECK YOURSELF BACK INTO REHAB IMMEDIATELY YOU CRACK-SMOKING, COKE-SNIFFING, PILL-POPPING PIECE OF SHIT!
No, seriously, this has the making of a cult classic.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I FUCKING SHOOT YOU WHERE YOU STAND! THIS IS FUCKING HOLLYWOOD! I’LL GET AWAY WITH IT ONCE I TELL THEM YOUR FUCKING IDEA!