Amused Atheist

If you're not an atheist, you're misguided

Posts Tagged ‘Christian’

How hot can it be?

When a Christian says, "After you die, you'll burn in Hell," I can't help but think, "Before I was born, I was forged inside a supernova and never felt a thing. How hot can it be?"

When a Christian says, “After you die, you’ll burn in Hell,” I can’t help but think, “Before I was born, I was forged inside a supernova and never felt a thing. How hot can it be?”


We’re not angry at your god

I came back to Twitter and found an atheist and some moronic Christian having a discussion in my mentions. It caught me in a grumpy mood but I don’t like debating theists very often:

I don’t argue with theists because it’s too difficult to tell the fundies from the trolls from the mentally challenged. #Atheist — @Amused_Atheist 2012-11-05 13:38 EST.

I didn’t want to give this idiot any publicity — that’s what trolls crave — so I replied in my main feed. Correction, I went on a well deserved rant.

Since theists are pretty thick (willfully so), particularly Christians, let me explain one more time (sigh) … — (view)

When #atheists talk about your god like it’s real, we’re parodying your belief in it. Is that too hard for you to grasp? — (view)

We’re saying, “IF your god existed, why does it do none of the things you ascribe to it? Why does it let children be raped & murdered? — (view)

We cannot be angry at your god because it doesn’t exist. We are angry at the idiots who interfere with our lives in the name of their god. — (view)

We are exasperated at the logic of someone who prays for victims of violence while their “all loving and merciful god” let it happen. — (view)

We are deeply saddened that in this modern age that the fucking majority of the planet believes in sky daddies. Theists are pathetic. — (view)


Which is it?

Hey Christians!! I’m STILL an Atheist! Either you lied about praying for me or prayer doesn’t work… which is it?


See more…

Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Atheism — See more with Atheism!


Makes perfect sense

Christianity

The belief that some cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master so he can remove an evil force from your ‘soul’ that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Make perfect sense.

 


Religious beauty contest

Religion is like a beauty contest where the contestants are all trying to be number one in a different category.

Jews

The Jews are trying to win for best hairdo.

 

Christians

The Christians are all about the fashion statement.

 

Islamists

The Islamists are focussing on the talent competition.

 

Mormons

The Mormons are trying to win with their swimsuit.

 

Scientologists

The Scientologists feel they’ll win the Question and Answer segment.

 

Atheists

The Atheists are the judges and declare the whole competition a laughable farce and go out for a drink.

 


Once upon a time …

A conversation I once had many years ago told to the best of my recollection. I’ve since learned not to waste my time …

Christian: Why don’t you believe in God?

Me: Which god?

Christian: You know, GOD!

Me: There are thousands of gods. Tell me which one you believe in.

Christian: There’s only one true God!

Me: And that would be the one you believe in?

Christian: Of course. All those other gods aren’t real. Only ignorant, backwards people believe in them.

Me: So you don’t believe in Zeus, or Thor?

Christian: Of course not. That would be crazy! They’re ancient myths.

Me: But your god is real?

Christian: Absolutely!

Me: How do you know?

Christian: It’s in the Bible.

Me: Why do you trust that book?

Christian: It was written by God.

Me: Actually, your bible was written by iron age goat herders, but let’s ignore that for now. So your god wrote a book with proof of his own existence?

Christian: Yes.

Me: Isn’t that circular logic?

Christian: Uh, what?

Me: Never mind. There are plenty of books on Santa Claus. Why don’t you believe in him?

Christian: That’s childish. I grew up and learned the truth.

Me: You grew up? Hmm …

Christian: What’s that supposed to mean?!

Me: Nothing. As an adult, I don’t accept wild claims on face value. I need undeniable proof. What proof is there of the existence of any god that will stand up to peer-reviewed scientific investigation?

Christian: What’s science got to do with it? You need to have faith.

Me: That’s not enough. I need proof.

Christian: THEN READ THE BIBLE!

Me: There are many religious books for other faiths. If I read them instead, wouldn’t I wind up believing in their god?

Christian: THE BIBLE IS THE ONLY ONE YOU CAN BELIEVE BECAUSE IT WAS WRITTEN BY GOD!

Me: I didn’t mean to get you upset and we’ve covered that already. Let’s start again. Here’s a great book my parents read to me as a child, and I read to my child, but unlike the bible there are many other ones like it. It’s called The Night Before Christmas. You’ll enjoy it. It proves the existence of Santa Claus. Look, here’s an illustration of him.

Christian: I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL!!! [Storms out]

Me [calling after her]: I hope you open your mind to the truth. It’s waiting for you.