Amused Atheist

If you're not an atheist, you're misguided

Archive for the ‘Question’ Category

I never thought of that…

It never ceases to amaze me at the number of people on Twitter who ask the moronic question, “If man evolved from apes, why are there still apes?” While the stupidity is amazing it is not surprising that these people do zero research before embarrassing themselves in front of the world.

This “newspaper” story says it best (click for a larger view):


“If man evolved from monkeys…”

Ignorant theists often decide that they’re smarter than the most brilliant scientists of our age and think they can debunk the fact of evolution with one stupid question:

If man evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?

Of course, all they would need to do is Google that question, but theists are inherently lazy. Most have never read their holy books and most don’t spend any time thinking about how much their religion is full of shit.

When I came across this image I knew immediately that it was the most cogent response to those who ask that question:

Finger Monkey


Author unknown:

Schizophrenia or religion?

Seriously, doesn’t this description of schizophrenia sound very similar to belief in a god? My highlights in bold, comments in italics.


Childhood-onset schizophrenia

Last reviewed: February 13, 2012.

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it hard to:

  • Tell the difference between what is real and not real
  • Think clearly
  • Have normal emotional responses
  • Act normally in social situations


Schizophrenia symptoms usually develop slowly over months or years. Sometimes you may have many symptoms, and at other times you may only have a few symptoms.

People with any type of schizophrenia may have trouble keeping friends and working. They may also have problems with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts or behaviors.

At first, you may have the following symptoms:

  • Irritable or tense feeling
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Trouble sleeping

As the illness continues, you may have problems with thinking, emotions, and behavior, including:

  • Bizarre behaviors [Like praying to an invisible being repeatedly when nothing results from praying.]
  • Hearing or seeing things that are not there (hallucinations)
  • Isolation
  • Lack of emotion (flat affect)
  • Problems paying attention [to what logic and reason is telling them]
  • Strongly held beliefs that are not real (delusions)
  • Thoughts that “jump” between different topics (“loose associations”)

Symptoms depend on the type of schizophrenia you have.

Paranoid schizophrenia symptoms may include:

  • Anxiety
  • Anger or arguing [Theists insist on confronting atheists. Now I know why.]
  • False beliefs that others are trying to harm you or your loved ones [Theists think atheists are the spawn of the devil.]

Disorganized schizophrenia symptoms may include:

  • Childlike behavior  [Theists respond with personal attacks when asked to prove their assertions on the existence of their god.]
  • Problems thinking and explaining your ideas clearly [Theists constantly tell atheists to prove that god doesn’t exist. Sigh.]
  • Showing little emotion

Call your health care provider if:

  • Voices are telling you to hurt yourself or others. [Or you just follow the teachings of the bible.]
  • You feel the urge to hurt yourself or others. [We know the bible says it’s OK to rape, murder, and enslave. Please don’t.]
  • You are feeling hopeless or overwhelmed. [And who wouldn’t if all you have to believe in is an invisible man who always ignored your prayers?]
  • You are seeing things that aren’t really there. [Read this word for word. It’s important.]
  • You feel you cannot leave the house. [Or your religion?]
So it appears that believing in god is more likely just schizophrenia. At least that’s treatable and this type of schizophrenia is curable as there are millions of atheists who were raised in a religious environment.

Sunday school reality

Why don’t they call Sunday School what it really is? Grim* Fairy Tales.

* Yes, I meant grim, not Grimm’s.

grim [adj.]

  1. Unrelenting; rigid.
  2. Uninviting or unnerving in aspect; forbidding.
  3. Ghastly; sinister.
  4. Dismal; gloomy.

Warning labels

Why don’t places of worship carry the appropriate warning, “MAY CONTAIN NUTS”?

Torture devices

Why do christians wear a symbol of a torture device around their necks? It’s pretty gruesome to have a zombie hanging from your neck. And it’s not even accurate, I mean, where’s the blood?

Just think of how outraged people would be if Germans wore little gas chambers on necklaces. The Nazis only killed a mere six million people.

God killed uncountably more people, but millions of whackjobs worship him and wear symbols of all that is wrong with christianity.

It certainly doesn’t stop priests from being pedophiles. It doesn’t stop people from raping, murdering, stealing — so, like, WTF?

The power of prayer

If religious people truly believe in the power of prayer, why do they …

  • … ever go see a doctor? Won’t their god cure any illness? Hey, wait a minute, why did their god give them the illness to start with? What a prick!
  • … bother to work? If they pray to win a lottery, won’t their god answer? Why doesn’t god just put a bazillian bucks in their bank account? God is rich, right?
  • … give money to charities? Why do charities even need to exist? Why isn’t god answering all those people praying to help the starving people or those injured and homeless from a natural disaster? Why did god starve those people and inflict a disaster upon them?
  • … wait for the light to cross a busy street? If they’ve been good little god-lovers, won’t god protect them?
  • … avoid playing Russian-roulette? If they prayed to god, surely he would never let the gun fire.

This could go on forever. Come on theists, you crazy rascals, you know you don’t believe in all that prayer shit.

Praying to god for anything is like sending a letter to Santa Claus.

God works in mysterious ways

Challenge to the religious:

  1. Get a coin.
  2. Pray as hard as you can to get tails (or heads in case you think god has a favorite).
  3. Flip it.
  4. If it lands with your pick face up you’ll say, “Thank you, Jesus!” If you get the opposite you’ll say, “God works in mysterious ways.”
  5. Repeat as many times as you like.

If you do this often enough, without changing what side you pray for, you will find that the coin lands heads up about as often as tails up. So what does this say about god? He’s either a jolly joker, an asshole, or — there is no fucking god. Duh.

But, you say, god has more important things to do than influence a coin toss. Are you serious? Have you seen how many religious nutjobs pray to influence the outcome of a fucking sporting event? As if god is going to take sides. And if they win, then they praise the lord.

God does have more important things to do. He likes to starve children, let priests molest boys, give some people a horrible disease but not others. Yeah, god loves a good game of chance. Too bad you’re always the loser for believing in him.