Amused Atheist

If you're not an atheist, you're misguided

Archive for October, 2012

Makes perfect sense

Christianity

The belief that some cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master so he can remove an evil force from your ‘soul’ that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Make perfect sense.

 


Schizophrenia or religion?

Seriously, doesn’t this description of schizophrenia sound very similar to belief in a god? My highlights in bold, comments in italics.

Schizophrenia

Childhood-onset schizophrenia

Last reviewed: February 13, 2012.

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it hard to:

  • Tell the difference between what is real and not real
  • Think clearly
  • Have normal emotional responses
  • Act normally in social situations

Symptoms

Schizophrenia symptoms usually develop slowly over months or years. Sometimes you may have many symptoms, and at other times you may only have a few symptoms.

People with any type of schizophrenia may have trouble keeping friends and working. They may also have problems with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts or behaviors.

At first, you may have the following symptoms:

  • Irritable or tense feeling
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Trouble sleeping

As the illness continues, you may have problems with thinking, emotions, and behavior, including:

  • Bizarre behaviors [Like praying to an invisible being repeatedly when nothing results from praying.]
  • Hearing or seeing things that are not there (hallucinations)
  • Isolation
  • Lack of emotion (flat affect)
  • Problems paying attention [to what logic and reason is telling them]
  • Strongly held beliefs that are not real (delusions)
  • Thoughts that “jump” between different topics (“loose associations”)

Symptoms depend on the type of schizophrenia you have.

Paranoid schizophrenia symptoms may include:

  • Anxiety
  • Anger or arguing [Theists insist on confronting atheists. Now I know why.]
  • False beliefs that others are trying to harm you or your loved ones [Theists think atheists are the spawn of the devil.]

Disorganized schizophrenia symptoms may include:

  • Childlike behavior  [Theists respond with personal attacks when asked to prove their assertions on the existence of their god.]
  • Problems thinking and explaining your ideas clearly [Theists constantly tell atheists to prove that god doesn’t exist. Sigh.]
  • Showing little emotion

Call your health care provider if:

  • Voices are telling you to hurt yourself or others. [Or you just follow the teachings of the bible.]
  • You feel the urge to hurt yourself or others. [We know the bible says it’s OK to rape, murder, and enslave. Please don’t.]
  • You are feeling hopeless or overwhelmed. [And who wouldn’t if all you have to believe in is an invisible man who always ignored your prayers?]
  • You are seeing things that aren’t really there. [Read this word for word. It’s important.]
  • You feel you cannot leave the house. [Or your religion?]
So it appears that believing in god is more likely just schizophrenia. At least that’s treatable and this type of schizophrenia is curable as there are millions of atheists who were raised in a religious environment.

How do you pronounce demagogue?

demagogue |ˈdeməˌgäg| noun

A leader who seeks support by appealing to popular desires and prejudices rather than by using rational argument.

Sounds a lot like pretty much any god. Perhaps that’s why I pronounce it demagodue.


God loses

This is derived from “You say…, God says”

You Say … God Says … Bible Verse
Torture is wrong. A good beating chases away evil … Proverbs 20:30
Slavery is wrong. You may have male and female slaves, but buy them from the nations around you. Leviticus 25:44
Punishment should fit the crime. Those who aren’t righteous will go away to eternal punishment… Matthew 25:46
People shouldn’t be murdered for working on the Sabbath …the LORD said to Moses, "The man must die. The whole assembly must stone him outside the camp." Numbers 15:35
Beatiing children is wrong. He who spares the rod hates his son… Proverbs 13:24
Killing children is wrong. Anyone who attacks their father or mother is to be put to death. Exodus 21:15
The earth moves around through space. He set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved. Psalms 104.5
It is wrong to sell your daughter. If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do [in six years]. Exodus 21:7
Rape is a serious crime. He shall pay the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her… Deuteronomy 22:29
Women are equal members of society. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent. 1 Timothy 2:12
You are responsible for only your own actions. [I] … am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation… Exodus 20:5
Medicine can heal you. … your faith has healed you. Matthew 9:22
Jesus came in peace. I did not come to bring peace but a sword! Matthew 10:34
Jesus is pro family. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household. Matthew 10:35
That is in the Old Testament. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God’s law will disappear… Matthew 5:18

Challenge to the Pope

I challenge Pope Benedict XVI to do what Anthony Quinn’s character did in The Shoes of the Fisherman.

This movie is hard to find as it’s old and not popular, particularly amongst the Catholics. Rent it if you can. If not, then you can buy it from:

Or read through this plot synopsis. SPOILER WARNING: The last paragraph is the most important, and it’s a plot spoiler.

Of course, the movie came out in 1968 and there have been four popes since then and none of them have taken the movie to heart, so no, the Catholic Church thinks only of itself. Pompous bastards.

The Catholic Church makes a mockery of their own religion.


FFFFFOOOOOSSSHH!

Great article I found on the web, author unknown. The second last paragraph is relevant to this blog, but you have to read the whole article to understand why. Enjoy!

Old BetseyCON by Ambrose Fierce

I’m finding just all sorts of wonderful new uses for “Old Betsey”; though I have had my flamethrower for a scant three weeks, already I do not know what I would do without it. “Old Betsey” has definitely enhanced and streamlined my interpersonal relationships. You can do the same. The basic unit is just over three hundred dollars (and this includes the triplicate seer guard mechanism – a must for safe operation); gasoline works nearly as well as napalm and is much cheaper, particularly in Alberta. When your reservoir gets low just wheel into the nearest service station, unscrew your weapon’s fuelling aperature, and shout a cheery, “fill ‘er up!” They always do, and usually for free.

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